In a first for kosher consumers in Australia, KAWA have announced that a new franchise of McDonalds in Dianella Plaza will be opened with kosher certification.
In keeping with the new health and wellbeing image of McDonalds nationally, the new franchise will be organic, vegan, and completely pareve. Even the cheeseburger will be made with soy cheese and vegemince, with cured tofu made to resemble smoky bacon. Local traiff imitation experts responded positively to the news, asking whether the new restaurant would be able to cater for kiddushim and in particular replace the “treif style” Sudah Shlishit that has recently become popular at Dianella Shule.
The entrance to the new restaurant will be through golden arches, each with a Mezuzah. They will be slightly detached from main window to allow Cohanim to enter the drive in window without entering the building. The site is rumoured to be part of a joint venture between McDonalds and the Chevra Kadisha as a fasttrack burial site fundraiser for budget funerals resulting from blocked arteries.
In response to the announcement of a new kosher facility, all the other kosher shops in Perth decided to put their prices up. In response, the new restaurant also increased its opening prices, to which the kosher shops decided to respond by putting their prices up again.
The new Kosher McDonalds will be closed on Shabbat. However the owner of the franchise, Ronald McShtick, said if the first restaurant was successful he would open up a second franchise in Noranda that would only be closed for Shabbat on Friday night.
New Hamentaschen bar featuring the ears of prominent local anti semites are bound to be popular, as will the mishloach manot surprise desert that contains at least two sundrenched pieces of fruit left over from the Carmel School canteen.
The Cheif Rabbi of Perth consecrated the new restaurant, wishing all diners a Frelicher Purim, but expressed dissapointment that the restaurant was on the wrong side of Yokine Park.