Seder jokes

Here are some jokes to make your children cringe at the Seder table:

Who is behind Pharoah’s Evil Empire?
Darth Seder

What is another name for the meal during the seder?
Lean Cuisine

What part of Passover do pirates love most?
The sed-aarrrrrrrr.

What was the name of the Secret Spy for the Jews in Egypt?
Bondage, James Bondage 

How many Policemen does it take to make an arrest at a Seder?
4 Cops 

Why did the Hagaddah get pulled over?
His seder plate expired 

Why did the Mortgage Crisis start on Passover?
Too much leaning 

What is the name of the Seder Saltwater’s Favorite Constellation?
The Big Dipper

Who is the Celebrity Queen of the Seder?
MatZsah Zsah Gabor 

What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a seder plate?
A tyrannosaucer. 

What did one seder plate say to the other?
Dinner is on me. 

Why couldn’t the woman afford to buy shmura mazta?
She couldn’t raise enough dough. 

Why did the Egyptians get rid of all their clocks and watches?
They were full of ticks. 

Where did the Jews eat lunch after receiving the 10 Commandments?
At the Golden calf-eteria. 

Why did the chassid eat his Karpas under the sink?
He found a leek there. 

What kind of floor did Egyptians’ bathrooms have?
Rep-tiles. 

What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog — it croaks every night.

Why did the apple in the charoses cry?
Its peelings were hurt. 

What do you call a snake that rides around on the front of a Egyptian car?
A windshield viper. 

What is green and goes a hundred miles per hour?
Fuel injected kapras. 

How do you know how many cows died in Egypt?
Use a cowculator.

What did Joseph used to call his brothers from jail?
His cell phone.

Did you hear about the gefilte fish that went deaf?
He had to buy a herring-aid. 

A Hillel sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, we don’t serve food here.” 

What did the Red Sea say to the Jews when it was split?
Nothing. It just waved. 

Do you like Boils? No? Don’t worry. They’ll grow on you. 

Who is the King of Seder? Elvis Parsley. 

How do vermin travel?
By itch-hiking.

What’s the best cheese to eat on Pesach?
Matza-rella

What do you call Saturday night on Pesach?
Matza Shabbos

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